IROC-T
December 10th, 2005, 01:38 PM
Dear Santa,
>>
>>I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
>>
>>Yer Frend,
>>
>>BiLLy
>>
>>Dear Billy,
>>
>>Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
>>send you a freaking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
>>your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
>>and joy in the world for everybody!
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Sarah
>>
>>Dear Sarah,
>>
>>You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
>>and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Teddy
>>
>>Dear Teddy,
>>
>>Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane
>>and Mom's not putting up with it anymore, and besides do you think he's
>>gonna give that up to come back to your mom, who rides his butt
>>constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice
>>Lego's instead.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
>>kit, a pony and a tuba.
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Francis
>>
>>Dear Francis,
>>
>>Is that all? Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I think you're just
>>getting Lego's too.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
>>your reindeer outside the back door.
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Susan
>>
>>Dear Susan,
>>
>>Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
>>riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
>>scotch.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
>>
>>Your friend,
>>
>>Thomas
>>
>>Dear Thomas,
>>
>>All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
>>most of my time making low-budget adult films. I unwind by drinking myself
>>silly and squeezing cocktail waitresses while losing money at
>>the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
>>like in the song?
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Jessica
>>
>>Dear Jessica,
>>
>>Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
>>your house.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please,
>>please,PLEASE,PLEASE could I have one?
>>
>>Timmy
>>
>>Timmy,
>>
>>That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
>>work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dearest Santa,
>>
>>We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our house?
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Marky
>>
>>Mark,
>>
>>First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your butt
>>whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
>>low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the
>>burglars do, through your bedroom window.
>>
>>Sweet Dreams,
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
>>
>>Yer Frend,
>>
>>BiLLy
>>
>>Dear Billy,
>>
>>Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
>>send you a freaking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
>>your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
>>and joy in the world for everybody!
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Sarah
>>
>>Dear Sarah,
>>
>>You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
>>and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Teddy
>>
>>Dear Teddy,
>>
>>Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane
>>and Mom's not putting up with it anymore, and besides do you think he's
>>gonna give that up to come back to your mom, who rides his butt
>>constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice
>>Lego's instead.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
>>kit, a pony and a tuba.
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Francis
>>
>>Dear Francis,
>>
>>Is that all? Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I think you're just
>>getting Lego's too.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
>>your reindeer outside the back door.
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Susan
>>
>>Dear Susan,
>>
>>Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
>>riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
>>scotch.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
>>
>>Your friend,
>>
>>Thomas
>>
>>Dear Thomas,
>>
>>All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
>>most of my time making low-budget adult films. I unwind by drinking myself
>>silly and squeezing cocktail waitresses while losing money at
>>the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
>>like in the song?
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Jessica
>>
>>Dear Jessica,
>>
>>Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
>>your house.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I really, really want a puppy this year. Please, please,
>>please,PLEASE,PLEASE could I have one?
>>
>>Timmy
>>
>>Timmy,
>>
>>That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
>>work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
>>
>>Santa
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Dearest Santa,
>>
>>We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our house?
>>
>>Love,
>>
>>Marky
>>
>>Mark,
>>
>>First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your butt
>>whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
>>low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the
>>burglars do, through your bedroom window.
>>
>>Sweet Dreams,
>>
>>Santa
